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    This week has been strangely difficult. Firstly, she's been gone, so I've been bored. Bored equals bashing my head into things in her bedroom including her television and her corkboard. Just to show my appreciation/ discontent, I left her some bogies. In her pillowcase. Shhh!
    Today was interesting, as always. She went to work, so I went through her things. I found a menagerie of stuffed animals in the cellar. They smelled like mold. I rubbed them on my clothes so I would smell like mold as well. Then, I ran around scaring birds outside as THE MOLD MONSTER! There was a squirrel who, I swear to the queen of france, was about to eat me! It looked so hungry and I must have smelled utterly delicious. It inched closer and closer to me, but I ran back inside before it could give me rabies or some other unmentionable disease spread by squirrel saliva.
    After becoming thoroughly squeeze-your-brains-out bored, I proceeded to count every gnome she owns (14 or so). Then, I read the dictionary and highlighted a random word. I wonder if she'll ever find it. The word is lachrymose. Like in A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS. Lake Lachrymose.
    When she returned home, she didn't even say hello to me and called her boyfriend. I made faces at her behind her back and put dirt into the pockets of her newly washed jeans. Damp dirt. She's still doing something and not acknowledging me, so I'm going to poke her unrelentingly until she decides to talk to me
... 1 hour later ...
    Poking didn't work. Got bored after about 30 seconds. She didn't even look at me.
    I went into the basement and changed my clothes. Found a pair of red and white striped suspenders. I'm wearing them now. I also found a bunch of hats. I'm wearing a yellow stretchy headband, but my hair's sticking out of the top in a fluffy poof. I put it on her head once, but she took it off and chucked it into the hallway. I think she's mad at me.
    What could I have done? Do you think she found the boogers? Probably not. What about ... oh. Nevermind. I know why. You don't.
    So, I guess I'll go to bed. I'm planning a trip to the retirement home. I've got a walking date with Agness at eight. She smells like mild cheddar cheese. It's quite delightful. Her husband smells like garlic bread crust and cat food. Not the greatest combination. He's going in for a colonoscopy tomorrow, so I'm going to keep her mind off things. Especially his colon. Besides, who wants their mind on a colon. Not me. Nope.
    Imma go and see what's up with my wonderful friend. I'm here for a reason, and that's to make her less crazy than she is. I'm not the sanest way to do that, exactly, but it helps.
    Tah tah poppets. Take care of the toast and tea while we go to the post office for a lamp. Tosh, I've got a spoon in my eye, see the metallic gleam?
    -Crispy Crisp Crispin.
p.s. I have a secret.
Hold your cake and it will shine for the stars in the moat of macaronivilleton. Waiter, I'll have the cheese.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Aug. 26th, 2007 02:04 am (UTC)
I ate a banana today, too. It was of the perfect ripeness.
I wish I had some cake to hold.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )



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